Nervous Breakdown
by EasternSunflower
Summary: "I needed to keep him talking. I needed to feed his condition; keep the insane part of him happy. I could only hope that his sane half remembered to take care of my sane half. And now all I could do was wait." MXM; AU, M For Future Chapters.
1. Prelude

**Author's Note= So here it is. A shiny new fic. I would say that it's clean, to make a pun of the plot, but I can't, because I'd be lying. ^^"**

**Matt's POV**

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><p>The horror. Of all the asshole-ish tendencies. Would it <em>kill<em> him to _wash_ the sheets _before_ he decided to push me onto them?

"Shiro, this is disgusting. Do you know how many bacteria are on these sheets?"

"Shush, Matt."

He began to kiss up my neck and onto my jaw.

"If you'd just let me change the sheets first. I am _not_ getting naked on dirty sheets."

I could just imagine it, all those little germs and dust mites, touching my skin, crawling on it then multiplying. It was gross, and those mites would infect me with some sort of flesh eating disease.

"Fine, I'll change the sheets first." He leaned down to breathe into my ear. "But you're going to group counseling."

"Yeah, um, I'm Matt." I said quietly, embarrassed.

"Hello, Matt." Came the classic chorus.

"I have OCD, Depression and General Anxiety." I took a deep breath. "When I was six, my mom died of a bacterial infection and my father almost caught it." I skipped a part of the story, it wasn't something I was going to share. "When I was thirteen, I entered high school, and I was picked on for my red hair and the fact that I was younger. It increased my existing anxiety."

I sat down, sinking into myself.

"I'm Mello." The blonde stood up and spoke confidently.

"Hi Mello." The chorus changed to avoid the rhyme.

"I have Histrionic Personality Disorder."

Mello sat down, not saying another word.

I felt like an idiot for spilling my guts. I couldn't believe I let Shiro convince me to go to this thing, it wasn't as though I'd had much of a choice.

"Care to explain, Mello?" Angelica, the leader and psychiatrist of the group session prompted.

"I don't get along with people." The blonde man stated icily.

"Who persuaded you all to come?" when Angelica said 'all' she meant Mello, a guy named L with schizotypal disorder, a guy named Light who had a god complex, a girl named Misa with ADD, and myself.

"My guardian Watari." L stated in monotone, staying curled up in his usual 'crouch'.

"Light-kun suggested it!" Misa bounced.

"Misa…" Light muttered miserably.

"Judge made me come." Mello said with a shrug.

Everyone stared, and I was thankful it wasn't me they were staring at.

"Matt?"

"My boyfriend made me." I stated, bowing my head.

"What, he wouldn't pound you into a wall until you solved your issues?" Mello smirked at me cruelly.

"Wha? N-no! I-he, we…" I couldn't think of a valid excuse.

"Let's add domestic abuse to your list. Or you could meet me outside after this session and I'll override your OCD and depression with pleasure." My jaw dropped and my face flushed.

I could feel a panic attack coming on quickly.

"I-I need to use the washroom!" I nearly sprinted to the bathroom; I didn't stop until I got there.

Once safely inside, I leaned over a sink, (not daring to touch it for fear of getting infected) and practiced breathing.

Looking up into the mirror I saw Mello reflected behind me.


	2. Proper Disease

**Author's Note= Sorry for the wait, I was just a bit lazy with this. ^^"**

**Matt's POV**

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><p>I almost shrieked, but Mello's hand clasped over my mouth. I struggled; I could almost feel the bacteria from his hand on my face.<p>

"Don't worry, I washed my hands _and_ used the hand sanitizer." I relaxed a bit.

I tensed as Mello's hand moved under my shirt to rub circles into my stomach.

"Promise you won't scream?" I nodded; even though Mello had supposedly washed his hands, I still didn't want it against my mouth. Besides, I had no proof that he _had_ washed his hands.

"Did you _really_ wash your hands?" Yep, that's the first thing out of my mouth.

"Yeah, really." He chuckled in my ear. "Want me to do it again in front of you?"

"Yes." I felt his hands slide away and I watched with fascination as Mello _actually_ began to wash his hands; and in a _proper_ fashion.

A man, who could wash his hands so well… in a _perfect_ way, was unnatural. Which was good, because natural things were covered in bacteria.

"Are you getting off on watching me wash my hands?" Mello watched me through the mirror over the sink as he dried his hands and turned off the tap with the paper towels.

"Wha-? N-no! You just wash your hands very well." I blushed and looked at the ground.

"Matt?" I nearly jumped and turned around to see Shiro entering the washroom. "Having fun?"

There was an edge on Shiro's voice that promised that I'd need to take a scalding shower and scrub my skin off later.

"Yeah, Matt was just admiring my… hand-washing skills." Mello smirked, holding his clean hands up as evidence.

"I see." Shiro stared Mello down through his fringe. "You shouldn't feed his problem."

My eyes darted back and forth, suddenly I felt like my hands were really dirty. I could imagine all the bacteria roaming around under my gloves. That settled it; I rushed over to the sink. I opened the tap and then pulled off my gloves.

Out of my back pocket, I pulled a small jar of my 'emergency soap'; it had my favorite scents, chocolate and strawberries with a touch of the Purel smell. I scrubbed my hands; once gently, twice roughly, and the third time I felt like my hands may bleed. I pulled the paper towel out of the dispenser, dried my hands, then turned the tap off with said towel. Once my hands were completely dry, I pulled my gloves back on with a sigh of content.

"Happy now?" Shiro asked, a lazy smile on his face.

"Eh, I'll need a shower when I get home." I thought about the state of our tub. "After I clean that horrid tub."

"Or we could take a bath together, _without_ cleaning our _sparkling_ white tub."

I stared at him. I hadn't thought that Shiro would go that far in front of Mello, but his eyes were telling me that he'd go farther.

"Our tub doesn't sparkle! Not yet, anyway, when I'm done with it, _then_ it'll sparkle." I sighed happily, thinking of the tub, sparkling in cleanliness. "Maybe I'll clean the walls after, out bedroom is horrendous like that." I thought some more. "We need to go buy more Pinesol!"

I marched out of the washroom, and pulled Shiro with me, or at least tried to.

"You're banned from Pinesol, remember?" I froze. "And I'm in charge of the cleaning."

I frowned.

"When was the last time you cleaned your place?" My head snapped toward Mello. "You should know that it takes special attention to _properly_ take care of an OCD lover."

"That isn't any of your business, we're _going_, Matt." Shiro grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the washroom, setting a quick walking pace and dragging me along.

"What happened in there before I came?" I was going to have to drown my arm in hand sanitizer later, those germs might be able to get through my shirt.

"Nothing happened. I was simply admiring his hand washing." I shrugged as I was hauled into the apartment after Shiro.

"On the bed."

"Wash yourself, then you'll get some."

We both nodded, and I headed into the bedroom. I quickly pulled off the sheets and then shed my clothes. I laid on the bed and tried to ignore the feeling that I was being infected. I listened to the shower run, focusing on the fact that soon enough I'd be getting some safe, clean pleasure.

Who was I kidding? He was probably just letting the water run.

And he was planning on touching me? Anxiety pricked at my mind. I began to doubt my ability to survive this encounter. All I could think about was what was about to happen.

I could feel hot tears travel down my cheeks as I thought about all the bacteria, and what they would do to me.

I pictured them, slowly eating away at my skin, killing flesh and maliciously destroying my organs.

I no longer cared whether I was heard or not. I let sobs rack through my body, as though it would save me.

"You need to get over this." I heard Shiro growl at me as his hands grabbed my waist.

The scene kept playing over and over again in my mind, the bacteria eating my flesh; like a disease.

I wouldn't be buried, there would be nothing left of my body once those germs were done with me.

Then I'd be forever forgotten.


	3. Steralized Sound

**Author's Note= Here it is, the next chapter, I've got the third and fourth typed up as well. =P The rest haven't been written. ^^" Pray that I don't forget to update this fic. O.O**

**Matt's POV**

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><p>I let the water run down my body and I aggressively scrubbed at my skin. My shower time was being limited, it was getting worse.<p>

I notice only vaguely that my arms had started bleeding, but that didn't matter. I began to scrub my stomach until it too began to bleed.

"Out, Matt, you've got group soon." Shiro's voice ended as the door closed again.

Lastly I scrubbed my neck, only stopping when the pain was too bad to continue.

I stepped out of the shower and picked up the blow dryer, preferring it to towels, although it made my raw skin hurt. Once I was mostly dry, I pulled on the clean clothes I'd laid out before coming into the shower. I left the washroom but didn't see Shiro; I guessed that he'd left after calling to me. Sighing, I pulled on my vest and my boots before leaving the apartment.

Once in the parking lot, I noticed Shiro waiting in the car. I waved and got into the car slowly.

To say that the drive was quiet would put the lack of sound to shame. Once we arrived at the hospital, I hopped out, wishing Shiro a safe drive. I'd have to walk home tonight, but I didn't mind, it gave me time to think.

Entering the building, I bowed my head, burying most of my face in the collar of my vest. I entered the room where the group was held and silently took my seat. Everyone was there except for L.

"Hey, Matt?" I looked at Mello, whose tone was oddly serious and low.

"Yes?" I asked, startled.

"Why are you bleeding?" he whispered.

"… No reason. Please don't mention it." I knew that he was going to get the wrong idea, and if he announced it, it would become reality.

"Why? Did something happen?" Mello sounded excited, that fact scared me.

"I took a shower… A thorough shower."

"Oh… here come with me to the wash room, you can clean it off." Mello offered me a gloved hand, which I took with my own.

I allowed Mello to lead me out of the room.

"So, Matt, how old are you?" Mello was still holding my hand, and he watched me, his gaze inviting.

"I'm eighteen." Mello cocked a brow.

"Oh, I'm nineteen." Something in his eyes, held a dark quality. "How old is Shiro?"

"Oh, he's twenty-six." I thought about what could be seen as wrong with that.

"Sit." Startled, I stared at Mello then our surroundings.

We were in the hospital parking lot, the back door to a black Jeep opened in front of me. I blinked, and it dawned on me, Mello wanted me in the car.

"It's clean; I sterilized it for you this morning."

Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Mello's hand on my neck, pushing the pressure points there. The blonde's other hand on the small of my back, pushing my forcibly relaxed body into the seat. I watched quietly, still dazed from the shock to my neck, as Mello pushed my legs into the car and shut the door.

I couldn't see much from my place lying sideways on the seat, but I could hear the driver's door opening.

A moment later, I could see Mello's eyes reflected in the rear view mirror.

There was a quality in them, a sort of anger, but not really since they were caring.

It dawned on me as Mello drove the car out of the parking lot, it was possessiveness.


	4. Histrionic Promises

**Author's Note: Okay, so this chapter has been posted on MangaBullet for a while, but I'm going to post this, and the next chapter that I have done, then I'm going to try to actually see this story to the end.**

**Ohhhhhh, I know. Odd for me. But I'm going to give it a try! =)**

**Matt's POV**

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><p>"Um, Mello, I think that this is illegal in some states." I tested the waters.<p>

Mello's eyes lifted to the rear view mirror to stare at me.

"Are you sure that you'd rather be with Shiro than me?" There was an edge on his voice somewhere between hurt, longing, and fury.

"I don't know you that well, Mello." I tried to reason with him as we neared the highway.

"You'll get to know me." He shrugged, and pulled over. He turned in his seat so that he faced me. "I can offer you thinks that he can't, Matt."

"Like what?" I needed to keep him talking so that I could escape...

"Well, I've cleaned the entire house, and you can clean it again if you wish. I can make sure that no disease will ever touch you." His eyes bore into me; and I actually began to contemplate his words, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"What do you want in return?" I whispered.

"For now, just your company." His eyes searched mine for weakness. "Think about it," he said, turning back and contradicting his words by pulling back onto the road. "Anything you want, yours."

I was tempted to ask 'why me?' but I didn't, I just mutely nodded.

I didn't understand Mello I didn't understand what he had to gain. I pushed myself into a sitting position and stared at the seats. Had Mello really sterilized them for _me_? There was no doubt that the seats had been cleaned very recently, but I still doubted his reasons.

My mind travelled to his other 'reasons' for me to stay. Was it actually possible for Mello to protect me from germs? Was he like an anti-germ magnet?

I quietly looked out the window and watched the signs go by. I could tell just by the scenery that we weren't in New York anymore.

"M-Mello?" I asked hesitantly.

The blonde's eyes seemed to light up, and he watched me through the rear view mirror.

"Where are we going?"

"Las Vegas." Mello chirped happily.

"I see." I said quietly.

"That's okay with you, Matt, right?" Mello's eyes darted back to the road.

"What?" My eyes snapped up to meet Mello's.

"Is there somewhere in particular you'd like to go?" Mello's eyes were back on the road; I thought about it but ended up shaking my head.

"Do... you live in Las Vegas, Mello?" I asked, curiously, and my interest only increased when Mello's eyes lit up again.

"Not at the moment, but I did at one point." I could tell that Mello wanted to to talk some more.

I thought back to his condition, to the reason that Mello had been in group.

He had Histrionic Personality Disorder. That meant that he wanted attention.

"How old were you when you lived in Vegas?" I asked.

"Only a few years ago, I was seventeen; I stayed for less than a year."

"Where did you live before that?"

I needed to keep him talking.

"Los Angeles, I stayed there from age fourteen to seventeen, then as you know, went to Vegas."

I needed to feed his condition; keep the insane part of him happy.

"Where were you born?"

I could only hope that his sane half remembered to take care of _my_sane half.

"Slovenia."

And now all I could do was wait.


	5. Oppertunity Frowns

**Matt's POV**

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><p>My eyes widened as we pulled up in front of what I assumed to be Mello's place. It was a newer townhouse with coal gray paint that was in mint condition.<p>

"Do you like it?" I looked at Mello, who was getting out of the car.

I saw an opportunity. And because I'm an idiot, I took it.

I literally pounced on the door of the car, quickly getting it open, I tried to hop out of the car but fell.

Or would have fallen, if a hand hadn't caught my arm. The entirety of my body froze, slowly I looked up at Mello. The blonde's features were carefully blank.

"Matt?" he spoke slowly.

"Yeah?" I asked as a cold sweat formed on the back of my neck.

"Is there something wrong?" The blonde's slender eye brows knit together.

"N-no," I thought quickly, "I'm just uncomfortable because the blood is drying on my neck."

Now that I thought about it, I began to feel the familiar anxiety bubbling up in the pit of my stomach.

"Oh... well let's set you a bath." Mello began to gently pull me towards the house.

As he pulled me, I couldn't stop the images from popping up. I could see the germs crawling, infecting my now open wounds. I could imagine the disease coming up from my neck onto my face, destroying it without mercy.

"In now, Matt." I jolted, staring at Mello who had somehow undressed me after pulling me into the washroom.

I looked over at the tub and it stared back at me invitingly.

I didn't think twice, climbing into the tub gratefully.

"Is there any particular brand of soap that you want?" I looked back up at Mello who was pulling his gloves back on.

"Um, Irish Spring?" his eyes lit up happily and he reached under the sink and pulled out a brand new pack.

He opened in carefully, giving me the individually packaged soap.

I smiled at him gratefully and I watched in amazement at the way his eyes lit up childishly.

Mello frowned, but the spark didn't leave his eyes.

"You need new clothes..." his eyes darkened. "Can I trust you, Matt?"

I blinked at Mello, "Of course."

"Do I have insurance?" Obviously this blonde wasn't dumb.

"My bath isn't finished," I thought about it more, "And I'm not changing back into those clothes."

Then I went into that mode, where the preventive part of my phobia takes over.

"How long can my bath be?" I wondered out loud.

"As long as you want, Matt." Mello smiled at me softly. "I'll be back later with some clothes for you."

He gently shut the door behind him. And I was alone.

I leaned back against the tub and sighed in contentment. Maybe I wouldn't mind staying with Mello.

Maybe.


End file.
